REFLECTIONS on the big 5-0

On the eve of the big 5-0, I find myself struggling. Torn between past memories, good and bad, and future hopes and dreams. Thoughts and dreams never realized and those still on the horizon. Friendships and relationships come and gone, those still intact, and those yet to develop. Life choices and life lessons behind me, with more yet to present themselves. So many guiding me to the person I am today.

I am nowhere near the person I thought I'd be. I struggle every day with doubts, fears, and sadness for the things I haven't done, the life I haven't lived. It is hard to remember every day to focus on dreams for the future...all the things I have yet to do, the life I have yet to live. Books I've yet to read, places I've yet to go, people I've yet to meet, animals whose lives I've yet to touch...or have yet to touch mine.

Though I am unhappy on many levels with where I am in my life, I AM happy with WHO I am. No matter how alone I feel at times, I know my heart. I know what matters to me. I work daily to avoid being bogged down by the unimportant things in life. As I grow older, every day, I realize more and more that it is the simple things I can change. It is only the simple things that truly matter. My passions are endless and I can find such pleasure in so many things, but the simplest are the truest to my heart.

Though the lists are dwindling with each passing day -- friends and family that mean the world to me; animals who will always be the truest measure of my heart; art, film, music, and literature which allow my imagination to run wild, the exporer in me to travel where my body cannot, my spirit to feel enriched with lives I haven't directly lived; but, most importantly, continuing to learn and grow and to share my heart and my soul with the most important person in my life, my husband, Terrell...and never forgetting, for a single day, to be thankful for this second chance...and all the chances and days ahead.