Despite knowing this was coming and hoping/praying her transition would come so as to relieve her suffering, I have been numb and still have yet to fully process the loss. Mostly, I'm exhausted.
I do want to take this time to do a few things...
1) I want to DEEPLY thank each and every person who extended their condolences, their support, and their love. Our family is strong. We lean on each other when times are tough. But we would have never made it through this, on our own or as a family, without all the love we received. Please know that your words, thoughts, flowers, visits, and hugs have made all the difference. We will surely need some time to process (I know I will) and will likely need to lean on many of you as we move forward through our grief. I hope you will accept our apologies for any selfishness now or in the near future as our hearts are going to need some time to strengthen.
2) I promised to post the eulogy I composed for her funeral for family and friends who could not attend. Please scroll down to read, if you would like. My focus was on celebrating her life and helping those who knew her on a limited level to get a fuller picture of the woman she was and the woman we all loved. I hope I've done her justice...
3) I also wanted to share the song listing from the music Terrell and I put together for the visitation service. Again, the focus was on celebrating her life and acknowledging her transition. This music represents our Irish/Celtic roots, some of her favorite songs/singers, and songs from some of her most beloved musicals. Again, scroll down (to bottom) for this listing.
I hope this all gives you a vision of the woman and an understanding of the love we all hold so deep and true for both her and our father. For those who loved our mom, I encourage you to read this and also to pick out a song or two. Pull them up on YouTube if you don't know them and give them a listen. I hope they will help you feel her presence when you hear them play.
Again, thank you all, from our entire family, for everything and every word. We love you all.
EULOGY READING:
We are
here today to celebrate the life and mourn the death of Patricia D'Avanzo --
Wife, Sister, friend, neighbor, cousin, aunt, Mother, Grandmother, Great
Grandmother, matriarch, role model...
Over a
century ago, a young carpenter by the name of James Mescal set forth his plans
to emigrate from Ireland to the US. As the story has been told, an unlikely
hiccup in his plans -- thanks to an over-booked tailor -- changed his
fate...and the fate of the entire Mescal and our D'Avanzo clan.
You see, James's original journey was targeted
for the virgin voyage of a new luxury ocean liner, called, quite simply, the
Titanic. But thanks to a delay in the tailoring of his suit, he was forced to reschedule
his trip for a 1 month later, swapping his tickets for fare on the slightly
lesser known Mauretania. Had it not been for that tailor back in Ireland, he
would have never completed that original voyage... and none of us would be
sitting here today.
Eventually,
James Mescal emigrated from Ireland at the age of 28 (or, at least, that's what
he listed in the ship's manifest, though we know better doing a little math),
arriving at Ellis Island on the Mauretania on May 27 (which just happens to be
my birthday), 1912.
Two years
later, a beautiful Irish lass from Donegal by the name of Hannah Gallagher made
the same journey on the SS Cameronia at the age of 18, arriving at Ellis Island
on the afternoon of April 7, 1914.
The irony
is that despite living only a couple of towns apart among the rolling hills of
Ireland, James and Hannah had never met. Little did they know what their
futures would hold as they embarked on their new lives in a new land...what
impact they would have and the extensive legacy they would leave behind.
Thankfully,
they met in New York, married, and began their lives together in Brooklyn…and
in true Irish Catholic fashion, were quickly blessed with a large and growing
family.
Flash
forward to November 19, 1933. Their last little bundle of joy, Patricia Anne
Mescal, was born in Jamaica, Queens, New York -- the last of seven children to
join this Americanized Irish Brood. As a member of this large, loving Irish
family, she learned much about life, love, and family.
Throughout
the years, as she experienced the heartache of losing siblings during her
younger (and later) years, she learned to treasure, first and foremost, the
bond of family. Rather than being lost in the shuffle of such a busy and full
household, as the baby, many years younger than her next oldest sibling, she
thrived on the love and strength she found among such a deeply bonded Irish
family.
Years
later, as she began to venture into the world on her own, she began working at
NYU. In January, 1955, she met a handsome young Italian student named Victor
Nunzio D’Avanzo. She may not have
remembered their first meeting but five months later, he certainly caught her eye.
They became friends and, a year and a half later, in April 1956, he worked up
the nerve to finally ask her out – officially – for a date…to see the movie
Carousel. Their shared love of music and film became a blueprint for so many
wonderful experiences over the course of their lives ahead.
Vic
entered the Army in 1957. The young couple put their plans on hold while he
completed his tour, stationed in Germany and Italy, maintaining their romance
from afar. Upon completion of his tour, he returned to his beloved Patricia and
they married on February 21, 1960. They welcomed the first of their children,
Anne Patricia, into the world in January, 1961. A son, John James, soon
followed, followed by daughters Christine Marie (that’s me) and Mary Katherine.
Shortly
after Mary’s birth, the family made the decision in 1969 to take advantage of
Victor’s new employer’s transfer to good ol’ Atlanta – way down south – where
they added to the last of their brood – the not-so-baby anymore, Joseph Victor.
Despite the move, their New York/New Jersey roots (and their Brooklyn accents)
remained strong.
As their
family grew, Patricia chose to transition from working outside the home to a
focus on working at home – as caretaker, mother, home maker. This is the
Patricia we all grew to know. This is the Patricia I want to share with you.
Our mother,
Pat, may have left a life of formal employment behind, but the woman we knew
was a jack-of-all-trades. She was a relentless worker. She was a resilient
woman with a determined focus and a dedication to faith and family that went
unrivaled among so many of the families we’ve known over the years.
Despite
the lack of a formal paycheck, Pat held down so many jobs…I dare any of us to
rival.
Over the
years, she never failed to serve as…okay, let’s start a list…
A
chauffer – transporting her children…and friends of her children…to and from
their long, long…did I mention LONG…list of activities. From catechism classes
to babysitting ventures. To the library. To drill-team, wrestling, dance,
swimming, baseball, softball, and other practices. To dances and dates and
slumber parties. To football games, track meets, doctor’s appointments, and
swim meets. It was a never ending cycle, in the hot Georgia sun or over
iced-over roads in the dead of winter. Early in the morning or late into the
evening. She was always there, ready to transport us and our friends to ensure
we could enjoy our activities and arrive safely at our destination.
A school
and community activist – She served for years as a member of the PTA. She sang
in the church choir. She served as a neighborhood Block Parent for the entirety
of our school careers. It was known, not only in our neighborhood, but among
other students at the school, that this was a house they could come to if they
were in need. If they felt unsafe. If they needed support.
One
telling story comes to mind...in high school, when I split up with a boyfriend
(kids will be kids)…he came by the house a few days later with a large bouquet
of flowers in his hands. Mom opened the door, assuming he was coming to talk to
me…only to learn the flowers were for her. They proceeded to spend over an hour
talking on the porch – giving him her full attention and helping to ease his
mind…and his heart. I remember, too, several friends who have shared with me in
recent years, a love for the warmth and welcoming heart of the home she built
and how they wished they could’ve been a part of our family.
She also
served as…
A
laundress – With so many mouths to feed, to clothe, to supply, to manage, she
spent countless hours and days managing load after load of laundry – a feat
that boggles my mind to this day. Only once or twice did we end up with the
dreaded pink underwear load, usually because one of us was clueless enough to
open the washer and stuff a new, bright red sweater into a hot water load of
whites without her knowledge…but she just moved on. Life is life. You take
life’s small lemons and just move on. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
She
served as…
A
seamstress – She LOVED to sew. She spent years making clothes for us. School
and team costumes, holiday dresses, even my dress for junior prom, among so many.
Even more importantly, she taught us how to sew. She made it a thrill and
helped us discover our own unique styles by helping us learn how to combine
patterns until we found our perfect match. Ok, so they were fashions of the
70s…I never said she was a miracle worker!
She was a
baker, a chef, a personal shopper – With 5 kids, all with different demands, I
remember hours upon hours over the course of our lives picking out clothes and
supplies for school, for special events. Cooking – dinners for such a large
family, for neighborhood friends, for boyfriends and girlfriends, for bake
sales, school events, and holiday parties. Food was a huge part of our lives.
An event that brought us together…that allowed us to deepen the bonds of family
while honoring our family heritage.
A nurse,
doctor, nursemaid, and therapist – With a houseful of active kids, there was
always someone getting hurt, sick, depressed. From injuries to illnesses to
broken hearts, she was always there. In quiet stead, never visible a moment’s
panic, always ready to heal, to nurse, to listen, to encourage.
A
hairdresser – With such strong Irish and Italian genes, we were all bound to be
a handful in the coifing department. COUNTLESS hours (and dollars) spent on
haircuts and detangling products, she never gave up. The hours she spent on my
hair alone, as you can imagine, must have aged her 20 years prematurely!
A
peacekeeper – Needless to say, with such a large family, she became an expert
in peace keeping and treaty negotiation. Teaching us always that, underlying
even the deepest of quarrels, we are still family and family must continue to
honor, respect, and love one another, no matter how deep the obstacle.
A
historian – She was a lover of history, especially of Ireland and celtic lore.
It was important and touched her soul deeply to know her family history. To
know her family’s heritage. To stay connected to the roots that defined the
family she so deeply loved.
She was
also a film historian – One of her greatest loves, outside of her family, was
film. She nurtured a love of film from her younger days that only grew as she
grew older. Through her, we all learned the value and beauty of this amazing
medium and, although our tastes may vary greatly, there are films that have
bonded us together as a family and proved as markers for so many great memories
and moments in our lives – from Jimmy Stewart to James Cagney to Clark Gable,
to her beloved musicals --The Sound of Music to My Fair Lady, The Ten
Commandments to the Wizard of Oz, Paint Your Wagon, South Pacific, Brigadoon,
Fiddler on the Roof, West Side Story, and her most beloved and the film that
changed the course of her life that night in 1956 - Carousel
She was a
librarian – Above all else except her family and her faith, she had a love for
books. She was a voracious reader. Whether delving into a fairytale, a novel,
classic literature, or a biography (her favorite), she was never without a
book. She engrained in us all a deep and impassioned love of reading that has
not only held true but been passed down to the following generations. To this
day, all of us harbor a love for those most treasured of happy places (besides
the church) – a library or bookstore!
Lastly,
she was a teacher – of life and of faith. For anyone who knew her, you knew she
was centered, grounded, and made whole by her faith…and her marriage. A
lifelong Catholic, her faith was always the center of her world. The center of
her marriage. The center of her family. It was with the strength of her faith
that she raised us all. Whether following in her footsteps as devout Catholics
or seeking out our own paths of spirituality, she and our father taught us the
importance of being true to ourselves, our beliefs, and to build our lives
around a spiritual core, no matter where it lies. They taught us that a
marriage needs a foundation, commitment, respect, compromise, and above all,
deep, true, and unwavering love.
You will
see many of us proudly wearing our treasured Claddagh rings. These rings not
only remind us of her and represent our Irish heritage but reinforce and remind
us of the tenants that defined both of our parents, their marriage, and our
family – love, loyalty, and friendship. We hold them near and dear to our
hearts.
Over the
years, she and Victor welcomed her sons- and daughter-in-law into the family as
my brother, Joe, so eloquently wrote, as true sons and daughters – Michelle
D’Avanzo, Barnabus Gillmon, and newest (officially anyway) addition Terrell
Huddleston.
They
welcomed seven grandchildren – Theresa (and her amazing husband Richard)
Conlan, Caroline Wuertz, Jaclyn D’Avanzo, Cassidy, Delaney, Keegan, and Kiley
Gillmon – and most recently, last month, great-grandson Victor Conlan. Through
him, she was able to fulfill her life-long dream, being here to welcome him
into the world, even if from afar.
Throughout
her life and especially after losing her husband, Victor, December 16, 2007,
she found no more fulfilling a joy than when she was surrounded by her
family…and it was in that way that she left us…peacefully last Monday. After a
lengthy struggle, battling congestive heart failure, she remained optimistic,
grounded in her faith, and staying true to her family…and we were all with her,
surrounding her with love, either in person or by phone, as our father, Victor,
joined us to guide her from this world.
I would
like to take a moment to reflect with an old Irish Prayer…
Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Everything remains as it was.
The old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched,
unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no sorrow in your tone.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed
together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was.
There is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near,
just around the corner.
All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting, when we meet
again.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Everything remains as it was.
The old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched,
unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no sorrow in your tone.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed
together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was.
There is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near,
just around the corner.
All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting, when we meet
again.
She is at
last, reunited with her husband and lifelong love…with her siblings, cousins,
nieces and nephews, aunts, and uncles, parents, grandparents and all who have
gone before her. I imagine, in my mind and in my heart, a huge
celebration. A mix of Italian and Irish
rebel rousing rowdy enough to shake the rafters of even the toughest of clouds.
Full of music, food, laughter…and hugs all around.
In the
end, she was an amazing role model. I learned the strength of being a strong
person from this woman. Of being a lady. Of being a wife. Of being a mother
(even if, unlike many of my siblings, mine is only to the four-legged furry
kind). Of being a sister, an aunt, a cousin. Of being a woman. Of finding
yourself, of treasuring the simple things in life. Of making your life a
mission of love, of faith, of strength, despite whatever obstacles you face. Of
leaning on family when the road gets rough. Of knowing you are never alone when
love binds you to someone – by blood or by choice. Of honoring and respecting
that love..Every. Single. Day.
I know it
is that love that will carry us forward. That love that will hold us together.
No matter what hurdles we face in life. No matter how low or alone we may feel
on a given day. I know that she is up there, in quiet steadfastness…praying for
us, hoping for us, worrying for us, loving us, binding us together…and with
that love in our hearts, she will NEVER be gone. We are still whole. We are
still the family and the people she so unselfishly taught us to be. Through us,
her legacy, her patience, her beauty, and her love will never fade and will
continue through the generations to follow. In them, you can always recognize
her – her strength, her resolve, her heart. That little Irish twinkle we all
saw in the corner of her eye when she smiled…and it is through each of us that
she lives on.
=================================
MUSIC LIST (Visitation):
01 - The Sound of Music - The Hills Are Alive
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02 - Star of the County Down
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03 - Celtic Song of Farewell
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04 - Ireland's Waltz Everlasting
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05 - Helen Jane Long - Expression
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06 - Clint Eastwood - I Talk To The Trees (from Paint Your
Wagon)
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07 - Frank Sinatra - Moon River
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08 - Johnny Mathis - Chances Are
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09 - Rosemary Clooney – I’ll Be Seeing You
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10 - Craig Armstrong - Glasgow Love Theme
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11 - Billy Boyd - The Edge of Night: Pippin's Song (From The
Lord of the Rings: Return of the King)
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12 - Thomas Tallis - O Sacrum Convivium
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13 - Vivaldi - The Four Seasons- Concerto II (Spring)- Largo
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14 - Enya - May It Be
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15 - Billy Boyd - The Last Goodbye (from The Hobbit: The Battle
of the Five Armies)
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16 - Ed Sheeran - The Parting Glass (from The Hobbit: The
Desolation of Smaug)
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17 - On My Own (from Les Miserables Movie Soundtrack)
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18 - Waitin' for My Dearie - Brigadoon (Original Soundtrack)
[1954]
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19 - Till There Was You - Shirley Jones (The Music Man 1962 Film
Soundtrack)
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20 – Giorgio Tozzi - Some enchanted evening (from South Pacific)
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21 - Nat King Cole - Unforgettable (1961 Version)
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22 - Joanie Madden - Song of the Irish Whistle: The Immigrant
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23 - Celtic Woman - Danny Boy
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24 – Rowan Taheny – Kilkelly (from Irish Roses - Women of Celtic
Song)
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25 - Ed Sheeran - I See Fire
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26 - Van Morrison - Into the Mystic
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27 - Simon & Garfunkel- The Sound of Silence (Original
Version from 1964)
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28 - Loreena MckKnnitt - Down by the Sally Gardens
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29 - Joanie Madden - The South Wind
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30 - Petula Clark - How Are Things In Glocca Morra
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31 – Judy Garland - Somewhere Over the Rainbow (from The Wizard
of Oz)
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32 - Gene Kelly - Almost like being in love (from Bridgadoon)
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33 - The Irish Rovers - Fiddler's Green
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34 - My Fair Lady Soundtrack - I Could Have Danced All Night
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35 - Bing Crosby - Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Loo-Ral (That's An Irish
Lullaby)
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36 - The Irish Rovers - Bonnie Kellswater
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37 – Jim Croce - Time In A Bottle
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38 - Simon & Garfunkel - Bridge over troubled water
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39 - John Denver - Fly Away
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40 – Peter Paul & Mary - Wedding Song (There Is Love)
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41 - Jim Croce - Photographs & Memories
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42 - Helen Jane Long - Porcelain
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42b - Helen Jane Long - Passes
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43 – Leah - Between Two Worlds (from Celtic Song)
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44 - 'The Parting' (from Celtic Song)
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45 - Gene Kelly - The Heather On The Hill (from Brigadoon)
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46 – Christopher Plummer – Edelweiss (from The Sound of Music)
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47 - Bali Hai (from South Pacific)
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48 - Sabbath prayer (from Fiddler on the Roof)
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49 - Harve Presnell - They Call the Wind Maria (from Paint Your
Wagon)
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50 – Somewhere (from West Side Story)
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51 - Rosemary Clooney – Tenderly
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52 - Bing Crosby - My Girl's An Irish Girl (Single Version)
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53 - Israel Kamakawiwo'ole - Over The Rainbow & What A
Wonderful World
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54 - Loch Lomond (from Irish Roses- Women of Celtic Song)
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55 - Bing Crosby - Danny Boy (Single Version)
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56 - When Irish Eyes Are Smiling
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57 - Yo-Yo Ma, Alison Krauss - Slumber My Darling
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58 - Luciano Pavarotti - Schubert - Ave Maria
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59 - Mario Lanza - The Lords Prayer
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60 - Scottish Bagpipes - Funeral Song (Amazing Grace)
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61 - The Irish Rovers - The Unicorn
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